Ep.8/ Encountering the wound of exclusion
Reclaim hidden parts of yourself and release old wounds through the power of Encounter, during your Inner Autumn and Winter bleed.
3 minute read
15/2/24, Day 24, Mid Autumn
Abandonment trauma is a concept that most of us are familiar with. Regardless of whether it is a personal experience, or one we have witnessed in others.
Yet what about the wound of exclusion?
If you cast your mind back, can you remember a time when you were delighting in the fullness of being you?
Living and breathing joyfulness.
Suddenly, unexpectedly you feel the sting of not being wanted. In that moment, by a group, a peer, a stranger, or someone you cared about.
How old were you? Are there any glimpses of emotions or feelings that start to bubble up? Were you sad? Confused? Hurt? Angry?
And if you can, can you remember whether you made any promises to yourself so that you wouldn’t feel that exclusion again?
Can you see any patterns that you’ve chosen to keep yourself safe? And is there an opportunity to reclaim and release hidden parts of yourself?
This has been really loud for me this week as I deepen into the power of my Inner Autumn - the time of deep inner personal encounters.
One of the gifts of our Inner Autumn (luteal premenstruem) and our Inner Winter (menstruation) is that we have an incredible capacity to encounter the deep, soulful hidden parts of our unconscious self.
This can feel very uncomfortable, and downright scary. Especially if you haven’t practiced deep subconscious inner reflection, also known as shadow work.
Your shadow-self isn’t ‘bad’. It is simply the hidden parts of your subconscious self that lie beneath your mental consciousness. The shadow self is often the driving force behind your behavioural patterns and beliefs.
By allowing yourself to meet and sit with your subconscious inner self, you can open up powerful opportunities to allow new womb wisdom to emerge. Even if it is scary and uncomfortable at first,
Whether you’re still menstruating or, in menopause and cycling with the moon, your Inner Autumn is a powerful Truth-Teller season that can gift you with insights into your hidden patterns so that you can release them with your upcoming bleed (or the dark of the moon if you are no longer menstruating).
Your shadow isn’t bad
It’s simply the parts of your hidden self that you can choose to meet.
Your womb is a very powerful energy centre. It stores the DNA of all your ancestors. It has the capacity to be your inner compass for where to go and what to do next.
Re-membering yourself is a sacred part of deep inner self-healing.
It is about bringing back the parts of self that you have forgotten, pushed away, repressed, hidden, or had taken from you through a previous experience.
The gift of your cycle is that you get to go within and enquire each month whether there are thoughts, feelings, experiences, and patterns that want to be ‘re-membered’ during your Inner Autumn, and released during your bleed.
The secret is slowing down enough to catch the incoming downloads, especially during your Inner Autumn and Winter.
Like any new skill, it takes time to train our body to listen to its wisdom.
You may experience these inner ‘knowings’ as a clear word, a vision, or dream, or perhaps it drops in through a synchronistic symbol or encounters you have in your day-to-day life.
CYCLE WISDOM TIP
Journalling, post-it notes, or other visual reminders are great ways to put your word-of-the-month somewhere where you can see it.
Allow yourself to be tender, and remember that self-care and integration (taking time to allow something to sink in without pushing) are very important steps to letting the medicine of your cycle work for you.
Q&A — What if Big Emotions Rise Up
During the practice, allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Allow the tears or grief or rage to arise so that you can release it — if it serves.
There can be a hidden power in allowing uncomfortable emotions to arise if we allow ourselves to learn and release the dense energy without falling into an abyss. If you do feel yourself falling, go back to the gentle deep slow breaths.
If you still feel uncomfortable, gently cross your arms over your body and give yourself a gentle squeeze. You can tap your fingers gently like butterfly wings, or softly rub your hands up and down your arms which can help to regulate your nervous system.
Be gentle on yourself, and seek professional advice if you need support .
Want to learn more about Menstrual Cycle Awareness, and embodied Cycle Positivity?
Written from a place where I am
Day 24 — Feeling gratitude at how my Inner Autumn has gifted me with deep insights this month, and gently hearing the call of my womb to slow down as I approach my upcoming inner bleed.
Acknowledgements
Menstrual Cycle Awareness is a practice created by Alexander Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer at Red School.