Ep.2/ Diving In
Swimming through the fear
and talking to your Inner Critic
4 minute read
16/7/22, Day 25 Inner Autumn
We’ve all been there. Silent and bound by an unspoken fear. The monster lingering under our bed.
For me, it was a 40 year phobia of swimming alone in a pool, or any deep water for that fact. Which, as an ocean water swimmer (I do 5km races, and just love lap swimming) was absolutely ridiculous.
Especially as my phobia was about being sucked down the plughole and seeing those big, dark gnawing light-holes that are often in the sides of Olympic pools.
So what is your monster? What stops you dead in your tracks, queasy with fear at the mere thought of it? And how does it stop you embracing the fullness of life?
Healing
PMS Does Not Have to Be Hard
Shadow work is not a new phenomenon. Embraced in a healthy way, it can be liberating to hold space and work through the deep subconscious patterns that our psyche runs. One doorway into this place, is working with your Inner Critic.
This lovely part of self (ok, direct straight shooting, no bullshit say it like it is, slap you in the face, ego slayer, truth teller) doesn’t always feel like your friend. Yet, if you know how to hold space for your Critic, it can be a powerful ally for cleaning out the closet of unwanted monsters.
When practicing Menstrual Cycle Awareness, your Inner Critic is meant to live in your Inner Autumn.
Your Inner Autumn is the premenstrual or luteal phase directly after ovulation. This is when your body acknowledges your unfertilised egg begins the process of getting ready to release all the parts that no longer serve you through your Inner Winter menstrual bleed.
Depending on how you travel through ovulation and Inner Summer, the crossover between Summer and Autumn can be a little tricky as your oestrogen levels may drop dramatically and you go from ‘full power’ doing energy, to a feeling of discombobulation. And then the Critic shows up. Often LOUDLY.
Ever gone from feeling sassy to judging everything about yourself? Lost for words. Down. Hard on yourself. Or, to the mislabelled premenstrual B-I-T-C-H that comes across like you’re judging everything? That can be a sign that your Inner Autumn is out of sync.
If Summer is where our ego shines, Autumn is where we meet ourselves. Exactly as we are.
Warts and all. Without the shiny bits and buffering of wonderness that comes from oestrogen at ovulation. Dancing with your Inner Critic is one of the most challenging AND rewarding aspects to practicing Menstrual Cycle Awareness.
Each month you get to face all the parts of you that you want to release and let go of during your Inner Winter moon time.
Your Inner Critic doesn’t candy coat. They will say it like it is, and can feel like a sword some days has literally cut your head off. BUT there is a gift if you can hold the tension and work with it.
This doesn’t mean allowing your Inner Critic to be abusive. It is however where we get to dialogue and say ‘yes I know I didn’t do ABC, or XYZ. I know I need to think about 123, and I will choose to do that when I am ready’.
The easiest way to create a healthy relationship with your Inner Critic and Autumn is to create space for you. Even just a little bit — where you can just be with yourself. Away from the demands of everyone else.
It’s this cyclical pull for meeting of self in the week before you bleed, that often turns into the angst and rage of ‘PMS’ if you’re not allowed to slow the [beep] down.
Inviting others around you to give you this space, and gently explaining why can be a powerful way to journey through your cycle together. Less demands on you, can result in less criticism of others.
Giving yourself ‘you’ time, — even if it is just 1% more than you give yourself now — can be the catalyst for opening up to your ‘shadow side’, and bringing to light all the things that no longer serve you, and that you want to release.
Healing PMS doesn’t have to be a hard or long journey.
It can be a small step, taken gently. With awareness and intention towards a healthy relationship to your Inner Critic and the power of You Time in your Autumn.
With love and light, Cara — Day 25
Acknowledgements
The above article is written thanks to the powerful work and education on Menstrual Cycle Awareness taught by Alexander Pope and Sjanie Hugo Wurlitzer at Red School. If you’re curious about working with the power of your Menstrual Cycle you can check out their book Wild Power here, or their podcast.
Written from a place where I am
D25 — Feeling the grace of my ancestral line and the flow of my inner medicine woman. Deep reverence for life and the power flowing in me.